Explanation of Secular Order of Discalced Carmelites
On October 15th, 2022, after a two year formation period, myself and four others entered into the Carmelite order as Third Order Secular Carmelites. Since few people are familiar with Third Orders, I thought it might be helpful to provide some background information on my vocation to be a Secular Carmelite.
What is a Third Order vocation?
The major five Catholic Religious Orders (Franciscan, Dominican, Benedictine, Marian, Carmelite) have a vocation for lay people called “Third Order” communities. (1st order usually means ordained priests, 2nd Order are usually Nuns and 3rd Order are committed lay people). The Carmelite Third Order communities are called Order of Discalced Carmelite Seculars or “OCDS”. While we don’t live in cloistered communities like priests and nuns, OCDS is just as much a part of the Carmelite Order as are the priests and nuns. In fact, lay secular Carmelites out number priests and nuns by about 100:1, as there are hundreds of officially recognized OCDS communities all across the world.
What is a Carmelite Vocation?
Different Orders have different vocations or “callings”. For instance, Franciscans are called to serve the poor. Whereas, Carmelites are generally called to contemplative prayer based on the spiritual teachings of St. Theresa of Avila and St. John of the Cross. While a calling to prayer is a big part of being a Carmelite, it’s also important that one’s personal sanctity be put to service in the world. We don’t just pray, just to pray. We pray in service to others, especially for priests and nuns, both living and deceased.
What are the commitments of a Secular Carmelite?
Secular Carmelites commit themselves to 6 obligations- what we call the “6 M’s”. Meditation, Morning Prayer, Mass, Mary, Meetings, & Mission. Each Carmelite is devoted to time of daily meditative prayer including the Liturgy of the Hours twice a day, daily Mass, and a close devotion to Virgin Mary by reciting the Holy Rosary. Equally important is discerning your apostolate, which is big word for the way to serve the Church-thus fulfilling your Mission. One apostolate that I’m pursuing is introducing groups of people into the teachings of St Teresa Of Avila and St John of the Cross through book studies. While the 6M’s are commitments we make, we are not held rigidly to these obligations. For instance, if I can’t make daily Mass due to a work or family obligation, then I just fulfill the other obligations that I can make.
A “Community” not a “Club”:
There is a four step formation to become a member of Carmelite Secular community, as most Orders have a step wise process of development & commitment. Step 1 is Aspirancy where you begin practicing the devotions and attending community meetings for about a year (with COVID it became 2 years for me) while the council evaluates your “fit” with the order. After completing my Aspirancy period, on Saturday October 15th, 2002 I was Clothed with the Brown Scapular, meaning that I have entered into formation of the Carmelite Order . In the “clothing ceremony”, we received a large Brown Scapular similar to a vest that goes over the shoulders, as an outward sign of the protection of the Blessed Virgin Mary. This is similar but different than people who wear the scapular out of devotion to Our Lady, but who have no formal association to the Order. We wear the large scapulars at our community meetings but not generally otherwise. We also choose a name that is used within the Order based on a Carmelite saint and charism that we feel called to serve. I’ve chosen the name John of the Divine Indwelling (more detail on why below).
What else in my life changes?
Nothing really in terms of daily life or relationships. I’m still the same husband, father, grandfather and friend as before. It’s just that I’m continuing pursuit of a life long commitment to fulfill the vocation that God has called me to follow.
How did I know that I was called to be a Carmelite?
I was called to a Carmelite vocation long before I even knew there was such a thing. As I developed my prayer life, certain habits began to naturally form such as contemplative prayer and reciting the Liturgy of the Hours. I could tell that I was being called to something, but I wasn’t sure what. So I began exploring different Orders and their spirituality and charisms, and didn’t find one that matched my calling. Finally, I asked a close friend what he thought this might mean and he saw a connection of my type of spiritual calling with a priest friend that he knew who had a Carmelite background. I began talking to that priest and he directed me to the writings of St. John of the Cross, and I immediately connected with his spiritual writings. After about a year of reading books by Carmelite saints on my own, I started wondering if there were other people called to this type of spirituality. It took me about another 6 months before I found the Akron ODCS community. From the first meeting, I knew that I had found my spiritual “home”. These people all shared the same call to contemplative prayer, and we spoke the same “spiritual language”.
What is “Contemplative prayer”, and how is it different than other types of prayer?
Firstly, contemplative prayer isn’t something you develop, it’s a gift from God that you have no control over. It’s different than meditation in that meditation involves directing your mind towards God. Whereas Contemplation comes from God to you whether or not you seek it, like a type of spiritual “morse code” that God sends. It penetrates the soul “supernaturally” meaning beyond our human nature or mental reasoning, and becomes part of God’s plan to unite us with our inner sanctity. Every human is created with the capacity to house the Trinity at the center of our soul. We receive this grace at Baptism after which we have a “Divine Indwelling”. This is why the Church teaches that we are all part human and part divine. However, many people are not in tune with their inner divine nature which is cultivated by meditative prayer. I chose my Carmelite name John of the Divine Indwelling to acknowledge that through St John of the Cross, I seek union with the divine indwelling of the Trinity within me. (By the way, each of you also have a Divine Indwelling within you, whether you acknowledge it or not.) When you become aware and work in cooperation with your Divine Indwelling, then God speaks to you interiorly-through “Contemplation”.
In summary, OCDS is simply the place that I’m called to be and to serve. It’s not like something that I’m choosing to do, it’s more like something that was chosen for me and I’m just following that calling. Regardless of your state of spirituality awareness, we all need people to pray for us. It’s a duty and a privilege for me to live my personal vocation to prayer.
I don’t often think deeply about the transformation that has occurred in my soul since 2008, but when I do I am amazed at the outpouring of God’s grace and mercy in my life. When I reflect on where I was and how far God has brought me, I am tempted to ask, “Why, God? Why have you chosen this vocation to Carmel for me?” As I prepare for my definitive promise, I have used this essay to reflect on where I was, how I found Carmel, and where I am today as I seek to better understand “why” God has called me to this vocation.
In 2008 I was very lost. I was not attending mass regularly, lived a life deeply mired in sin and, perhaps worst of all, was in no way aware of my sinfulness. I lived completely conformed to the world. I was about to graduate college but had no idea what I would do after. I was soon to be married, which was exciting as well as overwhelming. Then, my grandfather suddenly passed away in a car accident in January 2008, further plunging me into despair. I sought spiritual direction for the first time in my life when my university offered what they called a “Busy Person’s” Lenten Retreat. Retreatants signed up for 6 weeks of spiritual direction so they could make their retreat on their own time. I had no idea what spiritual direction was and despite the fact that I was hardly attending mass (but still very drawn to the Church), I knew I needed direction. I signed up. God’s hands were all over this decision and its aftermath.
My spiritual director was Sr. Kathleen, who happened to be a therapist specializing in grief counseling. I told her that I didn’t feel God; that I couldn’t pray because I felt nothing. I had no idea what God’s will was for my life and I had no idea how to listen for it. While the Holy Spirit ultimately teaches us to pray, Sr. Kathleen was the Spirit’s channel for me. She helped me understand what St. Teresa eventually gave voice to in my life: that prayer is being aware of who God is and who we are before Him, and intimately sharing our lives and hearts with Him. I felt called to more prayer in my life after this retreat and, while I rarely responded zealously to that call, I did definitively start my journey back to communion with the Church.
Getting married and thinking about starting a family made me realize that my faith was not just for myself but also a choice I needed to make for my children. If I was going to be Catholic, I would not waste my time being marginally so. I felt the need to be ready to catechize my children and answer their questions. That is when I began educating myself. At this point in my faith journey, I felt a need to know about Jesus. What would eventually follow would be to more intimately know Jesus Himself.
Over the subsequent two years, my vocation started to crystalize. I began attending mass regularly, went to confession, and found a whole new world of Catholic writing, news and blogs. I began to understand what it looked like to live as a Catholic. Though raised Catholic, my family’s faith life was somewhat compartmentalized: most of the time, we went to Church on Sunday. We celebrated Christmas and Easter. I went to Catholic school, but had not claimed my faith for myself, nor did I know how to live the liturgy every day. I was ready to claim my faith for myself and for my family.
Around 2009 or 2010, I started taking classes through the University of Dayton’s Virtual Learning Community for Faith Formation. In one of these classes, one of the participants identified herself as a Secular Carmelite. It was the first time I’d ever heard the term. I didn’t even ask her what it meant – in typical millennial fashion, I Googled it. This was my first encounter with the Carmelites.
I credit St. Teresa with bringing me to the Carmelites because, when I Googled the Carmelites, I naturally encountered Teresa. I had heard of St. Teresa, but she had never been one of my go-to saints. The more I read about her, the more I felt for the first time in my life that I wasn’t encountering an unapproachable, overly pious Saint. Teresa is a normal woman of many flaws; yet through God’s grace she was able to transform her order and the people around her. She was strong but obedient; charitable but uncompromising; flawed and aware of who she was before such a great and merciful God, but confident that His mercy was enough.
With this seed of Carmel plated in my mind, when we decided to move to Northeast Ohio I found the Community of the Holy Family. I contacted Pat months before we moved back. Even before I attended a meeting, I began testing this vocation to Carmel. I knew the requirements of the daily rule of life, so I began trying to say morning and evening prayer and spend time in regular mental prayer. I failed often, but forming new habits takes years. Over the ensuing years I would better commit myself to these habits.
In the Carmelite Community of the Holy Family, I have found my home. I have found the fellowship, encouragement and support I need to continue seeking God’s face in prayer for the benefit of the Church and the world. I know being a Carmelite has helped me navigate the myriad life changes that have happened since I found the community in 2010. Without the guidance of St. Teresa, St. Therese and St. John, I would be struggling much more in my vocation as a wife and mother. Their teachings on charity, humility, detachment, obedience and sacrifice have helped me to more easily (although not always willingly…) say, “Thy will be done, Jesus.”
Where am I now? I looked back on my temporary promise essay and I am amazed at the transformation I have undergone even since then. That was a time of darkness, though not despair. God was calling me to greater trust in Him, for me to die to self and have faith in His love and mercy, and it wasn’t easy for me to trust. I didn’t fully believe in God’s promise: “For surely I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord, plans for your welfare and not for harm, to give you a future with hope. Then when you call upon me and come and pray to me, I will hear you. When you search for me, you will find me; if you seek me with all your heart, I will let you find me, says the Lord…” (Jer. 29:11-14). Right now, I am at a place in life where the darkness of faith is much easier to bear. I have had a few more years of experience to look back and see God’s faithfulness and goodness to me, which in turn makes it easier to trust Him.
My experience of God has completely changed. I used to think of God as a distant judge. I couldn’t hear His voice over the noise of my sinful life. I remain a sinner but I more deliberately seek His face in the world. My relationship with Jesus has been transformed. When I began this journey in 2008 I thought of Jesus as God’s morality instructor – God sent Him to teach us how to be decent people. Now, I realize Jesus is the ultimate act of love, the most extravagant love story ever told. God, seeking intimate closeness with His people, came among us to love us, to relate to us in our own language, to invite us to personal relationship, shedding every drop of blood to prove that His mercy knows no bounds. I used to think of Jesus as an historical figure I needed to learn about. I’ve since basically cast the history books aside and have been getting to know Jesus as the lover of my soul, the one who loves me more than anyone in all of history every could, the one who wants me to love Him back in the same way. I read Scripture daily because it is like reading Jesus’ love letters to me. Until 2008, the only scripture I read was what was read to me at Mass.
I used to think God was a distant guy who tallied my sins. I realize now that this God is unimaginably close, that the Holy Trinity dwells in my soul and I pray with Bl. Elizabeth “Make it [my soul] Your heaven, Your beloved home and place of Your repose; let me never leave You there alone, but may I be ever attentive, ever alert in my faith, ever adoring and all given up to Your creative action.” I used to think I had to go “find” God, but I have learned that Jesus pursues me unrelentingly, like a Shepherd who has lost his sheep (Luke 15:1-7), and welcomes me back like a father (Luke 15:11-24).
My experience with the Eucharist could not be more different, but that would of course follow when one’s relationship with Jesus has been transformed. Sadly, I had no really understanding that the Eucharist was Jesus up until I was an adult but I certainly did not realize what a profound gift it was. I took the Church’s teaching at face value, and even then, I was a little skeptical. But Jesus, the lover of my soul, says “I am the bread of life. Whoever comes to me will never be hungry, and whoever believes in me will never be thirsty…I am the living bread that came down from heaven…unless you eat the flesh of the Son of Man and drink his blood, you have no life in you. Those who eat my flesh and drink my blood have eternal life, and I will raise them up on the last day; for my flesh is true food and my blood is true drink. Those who eat my flesh and drink my blood abide in me, and I in them.” (Jn 6:35, 51, 53-55) If I feel drawn to the Lord, to intimate friendship with Him, there is no more intimate relationship than the gift of closeness we are given in Holy Communion. In addition to receiving Communion as often as I can, given my state in life, I spend time in adoration each week, gazing at my Jesus and letting Him gaze upon me.
There are times when I feel I fail in living out my vocation to Carmel because I am a wife and mother, but many wise friends and my pastor have reminded me that God’s call for me is to be a wife and mother in the world and that my vocation in Carmel will be driven by and complement that primary call. Though there are times I think the vocation to being a wife and mother gets in the way of my vocation to Carmel, generally I find that these thoughts only come when my priorities are out of order. I cannot be the wife and mother I ought to be without prayer and the sacraments. St. Teresa and St. John’s encouragement in prayer, humility, detachment, obedience and charity help me be a better wife and mother. Conversely, being a wife and mother helps me be a better Carmelite because it drives me to my knees and demands detachment, humility, growth in charity and obedience to God’s will. In reality, the two are quite complimentary – it is when my will begins to get in the way of God’s that the two fall out of sync.
There are times I feel like I’m failing at both vocations, but sharing my heart with others often opens me up to God’s voice telling me that He does not ask me to behave as a cloistered Carmelite, but rather a Carmelite in the world. I used to get discouraged when I wouldn’t have time to pray, or when I would forget to say the Office. Now I simply ask for God’s mercy and the grace to do better next time. This change has likely come about because I used to think growth in holiness was something I could “do.” I realize now that I can do nothing, but I can “do all things through Him who strengthens me” (Phil 4:13).
I am humbled to be called to this vocation, to a life of prayer, to try to console His heart. I am overwhelmed by Christ’s mercy for me, that He would invite me to a deeper relationship with Him when I am such a sinner. But His heart burns to pour out that mercy on my soul, and I want to quench His thirst to unleash grace and mercy. I hear Him saying, “Behold this heart which loves so much yet which is so little loved.” I pray that with St. Teresa I will always respond, “I am Yours and born for You. What do You want of me?”
In closing, I recently read a quote from Pope Benedict that struck my heart. He was speaking to seminarians in Cologne, but as I was reflecting on my journey to Carmel it resonated with me:
“Dear friends, this is the mystery of God's call, the mystery of vocation. It is part of the life of every Christian, but it is particularly evident in those whom Christ asks to leave everything in order to follow him more closely. The seminarian experiences the beauty of that call in a moment of grace which could be defined as ‘falling in love.’ His soul is filled with amazement, which makes him ask in prayer: ‘Lord, why me?’ But love knows no ‘why’; it is a free gift to which one responds with the gift of self.
It is useless to ask why I have been chosen for this vocation. Love knows no “why.”
Here's a bit of my "day in the life" of a very imperfect Secular Carmelite for you: A morning, afternoon, and evening check-in and just chatting about the Carmelite vocation and how it fits and balances with everything else!
May the Lord bless and keep you all, now and always.
By Kelly of the Holy Spirit
Here's a bit of my "day in the life" of a very imperfect Secular Carmelite for you: A morning, afternoon, and evening check-in and just chatting about the Carmelite vocation and how it fits and balances with everything else!
May the Lord bless and keep you all, now and always.
By Kelly of the Holy Spirit
Here's a bit of my "day in the life" of a very imperfect Secular Carmelite for you: A morning, afternoon, and evening check-in and just chatting about the Carmelite vocation and how it fits and balances with everything else!
May the Lord bless and keep you all, now and always.
By Kelly of the Holy Spirit
God calls whom he pleases, and His grace is sufficient for our calling. To deny our calling is to deny something within ourselves, our joy or rather His joy poured out upon us. As a wife, mother, and working professional, it is often difficult for people to understand why or how I manage to also participate in the Secular Order of Discalced Carmelites amidst my other duties. However, it is precisely through this calling to Carmel provides me with graces needed for married life, motherhood, and my professional life. The embedded life of prayer and support of the Carmel community provide me with support needed to my vocation(s) well. One builds upon the other. Participation in morning prayers, evening prayers, regular attendance of Holy Mass, a devotion to Our Lady, regular confession, doing a daily examine, and daily meditation, provide the soil for virtue to grow. This virtue enables me to be patient at work, loving to my spouse and children, charitable to my neighbor, just and merciful when speaking for the disadvantaged and marginalized etc. Carmel isn’t just another activity, but the way in which Christ has called me into deeper communion to Himself and the way in which He pours out his love and gives me the strength and grace to do all other things. To grow in holiness. Lastly, few does God call to be hermits. He gives us great community, companions, support, and friendship. Participating in the Carmelite community enables a building of mutual support, prayer, and friendship that provides respite, encouragement, and growth. The call to Carmel is a beautiful enrichment and conduit for His love, mercy, and grace.
By: Leslie of St. Therese
For your reflection:
What initially drew you to Carmlite Spirituality? How did you know God was calling you to Carmel?
In what ways do the daily obligations of our Carmelite life (Liturgy of the Hours, meditation, devotion to Mary, mass, etc) feed your vocation?